On Being Alone
​
I am not fully alone, I have a partner and a daughter and sister and brother. But here where I live I go into my church and no one talks to me. I come alone and go alone. That is very upsetting for me and that keeps me sometimes away from the church. I have no friends, apart from people at work I talk to.
When I was in my teens, my mum hassled me about me wanting to go out with friends. I always had to fight and had to clean the kitchen. But I was not allowed to invite my friends and cook at home. She scared me a lot and it was very stressful and so I made everything possible to move out of my home.
​
I suffer as I got bullied
I don't know how I could survive 3 years in Canary Wharf where I got bullied on a daily basis. With the time I got the idea to forgive them and it worked. It gave me breathing space and we all started to talk and when I said after 3 years that I want to go they said I am great.
Now it has happened just ones. I got sick for 2 weeks. Actually I am still ill from it, I still suffer.
I took 2 Prozac and bought Valerian for the early morning time to take sometimes.
​
On Helping Myself
Yes, I took two anti-depressants which are together 40mg. I bought Valerien tablets for the day and they help to calm me down. But in general it seems all to get worse. The depression gets wors and that is scary.
I had suicidal feelings and why? What is it that deep down grumbles and will not go away?